Love for Magic and Magic for Love
What the world needs now is love, sweet love….. so sang Burt Bacharach.
We all have the need for loving relationships in our lives, and when that need isn’t being met, many of us become quite miserable. In this blog post, I’m going to chat about love, attracting love to you, and also about loving yourself. The notion that you can’t have love until you love yourself has been repeated so often that it has become not only a cliché, but also the kind of thing that annoys unpartnered people whenever they hear those words. I’m going to talk about that, too. I’m also going to write about some concepts you may have been hearing a lot about, such as Soul Mates, and Twin Flames. I’m capitalizing these two terms because they have become much like titles we assign to certain relationships we desperately think we need to come into our lives. I realize that with that last sentence, I may sound a bit judgmental.
Through out my own life, I have had these moments where I felt horribly lonely, unloved, and unlovable. I had a desperate need for connection, and I wanted romantic love in my life so badly I could feel it like an actual ache in my heart. It is in moments like these – and I don’t care who you are – corporate executive, waitress, school teacher, farmer, it doesn’t matter – when we are at our most vulnerable, and the most likely to respond positively to the most awful connections, and mistake them for something they are not. I speak from experience and what I have heard from people coming to me for tarot readings. I hear “I think he is my soulmate” or “I know she is my soulmate,” or “How can I know if this one is my soulmate?” so often that my own heart aches for the person. With that in mind, I would ask the reader not to ask me these questions, but to really ask themselves a few questions, and get clear on what it is they really want in a partner.
Tell Me What You Want, What You Really, Really Want
The key to happiness is knowing what you really want. Rumi even said, “You must know what you really want.” He was right on this – in all things. What kind of partner do you really want? What is it that you value? Make a list of these things. For some of us, we require a partner who already has their life together BEFORE they meet us. (This is essential for me – I want an equal). Qualities such as honesty, kindness, compassion are all things that can make up this list – they are not tangible, such as good hair, handsome/pretty face, or nice car and good job – but they are extremely important.
Think back to previous relationships and what you didn’t like about them. This is important as well. Be very clear about what did not work for you. Now – when you are making your list of what qualities you wish to attract, it is important that you not phrase anything in the negative. For example, instead of saying, “I don’t want no scrubs,” say “I attract people who are self-sufficient into my life.” (Apologies to musical group TLC). The Universe loves you sooooo much that it wants to give you whatever your ask for, and sometimes instead of hearing “I don’t want _____,” all it hears is I want ______,” and there you are, hanging out with some guy hollering out the passenger side of his friend’s car. I make jokes, but I am quite serious about this. Magic of all kinds requires specificity.
Now, getting back to the issue of whether knowing someone is right for you or not, you can still use a list of the things that are important to you in a partner if you are already in a relationship. Use that list to determine if the relationship is currently meeting your needs, and then if not, you can determine whether it can be fixed or not. The hairy question of whether or not someone is your soulmate requires a bit more discussion.
The Definition of a Soul Mate
What IS a soul mate? You can enter “soulmate definition” into your Google search box and a number of articles will appear, some of them as light and fluffy as a popular song, and others with a bit more meat to them. According to Ram Dass, we are all emanations of the same Source, at one time we were all merged as one, and in time we will be again, therefore we are ALL one another’s soulmates. He encourages individuals to find what they are seeking within themselves because they will simply repeat the same patterns over and over again with different partners until they do. I imagine this is disappointing for those who are really looking for just that one person. It really does not fit with the romantic notions that popular movies and songs have programmed into us.
The Helena Domenic definition of soulmate is similar, yet different. I believe that through out our lives, we have many different soulmates, not all of them romantic partners, and not all of them in our lives forever. A soulmate to me is someone with whom you have a connection and who has a particular purpose in your life. In other words, you are in one another’s lives to learn something from one another. These connections can be lifelong, or they may be brief. Because we are humans, and humans are flawed, we might not even perceive the lesson we need to receive from the connection. I expect that may not be what some people wanted to hear, but that is how I see it. I will expand on why I think standard notions of soulmates and twin flames are potentially dangerous, but now I want to focus on the definition of twin flames.
What is a Twin Flame?
As with many new terms, I have found multiple definitions of what a Twin Flame is, including that Twin Flame is just a new term for soulmate. What I have learned from talking to several people is that the notion of a Twin Flame is really old, and goes back to the Greek philosopher who wrote that at one point in ancient history, human beings were both male and female beings with four arms, four legs, and two heads. The God Zeus, fearing that these powerful creatures would take over from the Gods, split human beings in two, and so, since the dawn of time, humans have been seeking, yearning and suffering for loneliness of their other half. According to Twin Flame theory, we all have another soul out there that is exactly our twin an/or mirror image. Once we find our Twin Flame, we will never again want to be with anyone else.
When one meets their Twin Flame, they feel that there is a deep, intense connection; a sense of having met this person before, perhaps in another life. Twin Flames feel that they are better together than apart. Not that one completes the other, but that together they can do great things spiritually. It may be that my polyamorous nature can’t quite wrap it’s head around just having one person who feels this way in their life, but a lot of the things I am reading about Twin Flames seem to be bound up in notions of what falling in love feels like, and romantic love at that. When one meets their Twin Flame, they will not want any other partners. I have also read some alarming things that makes it sound as though one could be stuck in an abusive at worst or unsatisfying at best relationship due to believing that someone is their Twin Flame.
There are apparently several stages of a Twin Flame relationship. They include a stage in called Outer Turmoil and Purging in which egos, anxieties, fears, previous traumas come up and cause turmoil in the relationship. Honestly, I believe this will happen in any relationship in which two people are getting to know one another. There is yet another stage in which one partner is the runner and the other is the chaser. This is again where I fear people could misread what is actually an unhealthy situation as being a case of Twin Flames.
So what IS my advice to all of the Love Seekers out there?
I hold firmly to several notions. The first is that you must know what you want in order to attract it to yourself. You must have a healthy sense of self-esteem so that you do not lose your sense of self in any relationship you are in. Don’t become obsessed with either the idea of a Soul Mate or a Twin Flame, and focus on attracting whatever kind of relationship is going to be the best for YOU. You know your own heart best, and if you are not sure if you do, I suggest doing some inner work before doing the outer work of seeking love.
Having said all of the above, I now proceed to the final phase of this article.
How to DO Love Magic for Yourself
The first rule of ethical love magic is to never target a particular person. In other words, do not cast a spell on someone to make them fall in love with you. There are numerous reasons this is a bad idea. The biggest one is that it is unethical to meddle with the will of another person, which is exactly what that kind of love magic does. Several negative outcomes may happen. One of these is that the spell will backfire on yourself and you will become obsessed with your target. One of the other negative outcomes is that if your spell happens to succeed, and your target DOES fall in love with you, they will eventually realize their true will, and resent you for making them be in a relationship with you.
Ethical love magic is what you do to attract the right kind of partner to yourself. Remember that list I told you to make? Have a look at it. Again, make sure it contains all of the qualities you wish to have in your ideal partner. BE SPECIFIC. When it comes time to actually do your magic, you will be using this list to ask for a person with these qualities OR BETTER. The Gods, the Universe, Source – whatever you choose to call that energy that you are accessing – often knows even better than you do what is best for you, so always make your request with “or better” on the end.
And Now a Spell:
Now, here are steps on what to do once you have your list. First, implant some key words from the list in your mind. Gather together some ingredients. You can often find these at your favorite New Age, Esoteric, or Wiccan store. If you live in the middle of nowhere, I suggest using Amazon - they have everything and can ship immediately.
A Rose Quartz Stone A Red or Pink Candle A Red Rose Epson Salts Lavender Oil Rose Oil A pinch of sugar A single rose – color of your choice, but red or pink is good.
If you are a practicing Wiccan, you may want to cast a circle and call upon the love deity of your choice to join you in circle. If you are unsure of whom to call, I always like Isis because she is a Goddess who has experienced great love AND loss in her life. She listens to humans. If you are not Wiccan, you may just want to visualize a protective circle around the area you are working, and call upon your guides to be with you. However you cast the circle, visualize that it is going not only around your altar, but wherever your bathtub is because you will be taking a purifying and relaxing bath.
Light the red or pink candle on your altar, and place a glass of water on the altar as well. Place the rose quartz in the water. Add a few drops each of the rose and lavender oils. Add a pinch of sugar to the water, and then add the rose to the water – just plop it in.
Once you have called for the circle and guidance, draw your bath water. Prepare about a cup of Epson salts and mix in 3 drops each of lavender and rose oils. Now add the rose and the glass of water to the bath. Hold the rose quartz in your hand while you are in the bath. Pour them into the bath and submerge yourself. Meditate on the keywords from your list. Visualize yourself happy and with a partner. You don’t need to see a particular face – you can see yourself from the back perhaps, doing things that you like to do, like talking a walk, going to the movies, having dinner. Imagine this ideal person coming into your life, and the active things you would like to enjoy with them.
Spend at least 15 minutes in the bath. When you are ready to get out, as you drain the water out of the tub, visualize any obstacles to love draining out with the water. Even if you aren’t sure of what those are, you can softly say as the water drains, “I release all blocks to finding love.”
Dry yourself off, put out the candle, and now you have a small charm – the stone – to carry on your person to attract love into your life.
Will this work immediately? It all depends on you! If you remain in a closed house and don’t venture out to meet new people, it will take a very long time! The Goddess helps those who help themselves! Remain open to new people, and remember what is important to you!
Blessings and love! Helena
Ram Dass, (2019). What is the True Meaning of a Soul Mate? Retrieved from https://www.ramdass.org/true-meaning-soul-mate on January 9, 2020.
Sol, Mateo. (2012 – 2019). 21 Authentic Twin Flame Signs (+ Fre In Depth Guidance). Retrieved from: https://lonerwolf.com/twin-flame/ on January 15, 2020.